With uncanningly accurate predictions, Olde Denning’s Almanak has now become a RedShark tradition. We are now proud to present his predictions for 2020, which will almost certainly come true.
It is a RedShark tradition that around this time I present my uncannily accurate predictions for the year ahead. My 2017 predictions featured the ongoing analogue revival and the seemingly unstoppable increase in screen resolutions. My 2018 predictions focused on Reality TV, Virtual Reality, Augmented Reality and added some staggering revelations about reality itself. My 2019 predictions revealed more stunning cross-industry collaborations, Peak Drone and, from Australia, the custom Driza-Bone coat with pockets big enough to hold the BlackMagic pocket camera. As always, I stare into my ancient black and white TV, swimming through the lines of interlace until I reach the small white dot of the future.
Can resolutions get any higher? Can cameras get any cheaper? Can sensors get any bigger? Can camera rigs get any more clumsy? Will the general public still have no idea what the letters HDR actually mean? Will analogue devices continue to fascinate those too young to have ever had to use them? The answer to all these questions is a resounding ‘yes’.
2020 will offer many more surprises. The movie CATS, while savagely clawed to pieces by critics, will be an astounding success. It will herald new possibilities for Digital Fur Technology and the creation of CGI animal/human blends with disturbing erotic overtones. Look out for the forthcoming 50 Shades of Greyfriars Bobby, soon to overtaken by 50 Shades of Greystokes and the massively creepy King Dong. Not to be left out of the Digital Fur Revolution, Danny Boyle will merge the forthcoming Trainspotting 3 with Paddington 3, cornering the market for railway-themed movies about teddy bear junkies.
On the technology front, Red’s lack of success with the Hydrogen phone and the absence of the much-touted Apple automobile will not dissuade other companies from attempting to crash into established markets with wildly ambitious innovations. Look out for the Motorola Flip cinema camera, the Vinten Umbrella, the Atomos Juicer and the DJI vacuum cleaner.
All will fail. Arri and Amazon will join forces to produce the Alexa Alexa, the first voice-driven cinema camera, offering same-day fully graded rushes for Prime members.
The DJI vacuum cleaner will not be a success. Image: Shutterstock
The success of uncoated lenses will lead Cooke to offer a Custom Vintage Special range, where Speed Pancros can be ordered with condensation, fungus, random scratches and thumb prints to achieve that true ‘organic look’, counteracting the ‘clinical sharpness’ of the digital image. Zeiss respond with the ‘Well Travelled Retro’ range with actual loose elements providing organically unpredictable soft focus. Many DoP’s are delighted that if they shake one of these new lenses, they actually rattle. Panavision will introduce a range of anamorphic pinhole lenses.
Post-Brexit, the UK will return to truly British filmmaking, uncontaminated by European influences. Sub-titles will be outlawed. Get ready for the re-launch of the Carry On and Confessions Of… series, chock full of shame and embarrassment, recycling old scripts and even older jokes for environmental benefit.
Ealing Studios, now under Chinese ownership, will produce a series of delightful black and white comedies about plucky, everyday communities banding together to protect their traditional way of life. The films are regarded as a great success, but each one only runs for one day in Britain’s last remaining cinema chain, now owned by Amazon.
Netflix buys the BBC. Broadcast TV channels will be reduced to one, promoted by the slogan ‘Take Back Remote Controls’.